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I am in the strange position of watching my cat recover while preparing for her death.
When I wrote on Monday, I thought that Cricket would probably be gone by now. I should know better than to underestimate her like that.
At first, she only left the bed to use her litter box. I fed her by hand several times a day and brought her fresh water regularly. She slept for long stretches lying against me. I rubbed her neck and watched her sleep and wondered what to do.
And she started getting better. She ate a little more. Her eyes got brighter. When I woke yesterday, she was in the living room, lying in the sun on the sofa. She's gone back to hanging out on the windowsill and in her perch on the shelf unit, trilling at me when I come near. Last night, she ate her dinner without coaxing and licked the bowl clean. Seriously.*
Still, her breathing is a bit faster and harder than is normal, and she coughs after jumping. Nothing has changed.
Google searches offer lots of suggestions on when to put your pet to sleep. None of them really addresses my situation. By observable measures, Cricket isn't suffering. She's eating, she's social, she's engaged. But her chest is filling with fluid, and soon she will be struggling to breathe. Again. And she's not going to beat cancer.
Is it fair to remove the fluid again when I know it will come back? How can I take her life if she's still using it? What the hell do I do?**
* I tried a different canned food, hoping to tempt her. Heh.
** I talked to Cricket's vet on Tuesday night. I've known her for years and I trust her. She believes that because of the advanced state of Cricket's cancer, we should put her to sleep when she starts having trouble breathing instead of removing the fluid. She is probably right. I don't want to face it.
When I wrote on Monday, I thought that Cricket would probably be gone by now. I should know better than to underestimate her like that.
At first, she only left the bed to use her litter box. I fed her by hand several times a day and brought her fresh water regularly. She slept for long stretches lying against me. I rubbed her neck and watched her sleep and wondered what to do.
And she started getting better. She ate a little more. Her eyes got brighter. When I woke yesterday, she was in the living room, lying in the sun on the sofa. She's gone back to hanging out on the windowsill and in her perch on the shelf unit, trilling at me when I come near. Last night, she ate her dinner without coaxing and licked the bowl clean. Seriously.*
Still, her breathing is a bit faster and harder than is normal, and she coughs after jumping. Nothing has changed.
Google searches offer lots of suggestions on when to put your pet to sleep. None of them really addresses my situation. By observable measures, Cricket isn't suffering. She's eating, she's social, she's engaged. But her chest is filling with fluid, and soon she will be struggling to breathe. Again. And she's not going to beat cancer.
Is it fair to remove the fluid again when I know it will come back? How can I take her life if she's still using it? What the hell do I do?**
* I tried a different canned food, hoping to tempt her. Heh.
** I talked to Cricket's vet on Tuesday night. I've known her for years and I trust her. She believes that because of the advanced state of Cricket's cancer, we should put her to sleep when she starts having trouble breathing instead of removing the fluid. She is probably right. I don't want to face it.
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