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When I came around the corner the other night, the cat was lying across the hallway, blocking it. I stopped to pet her, then stepped over her and went on. When I returned, I stopped to pet the cat again, then stepped over her, watching to be sure I didn't step on a moving paw.
I'm noticing all these little things lately as I get ready for surgery again. It's been almost a year since the surgery on my right hip, and I have clawed my way back to the most normal things, like stepping over a cat, or carrying a plant to the sink, or walking to the subway. I couldn't do any of those for so long, and my taste of ability rather than disability has been so short. But I'm only halfway done.
It's incredible how much stronger I am with one bad hip instead of two. I've been walking a lot, for me, and savoring my freedom. I went to DC for a few days recently and walked through the airports for the first time since surgery. It was awesome not to be in a wheelchair on someone else's timetable, unable to stop anywhere but security and the gate. Such a simple pleasure.
I'm scheduled for surgery on my left hip on August 24. I've had my final MRI. I'm waiting to make my autologous blood donation. I have two unread books stashed away and another en route from Amazon Marketplace. I have so much to do.
Last year at this time, I was terrified. Now I'm mostly calm and resigned. Mostly. The anxiety is like something simmering quietly on a back burner; every now and then, it bubbles up and I have to pay attention to it. I think that's just biology at work. My brain is getting ready to fight, but there's nothing to fight yet, so it just makes me anxious.
My brain is also still thinking about ordinary-life things like pretty lipstick, even though I won't need lipstick for a while. Sometimes I forget that my pelvis has a date with a bone saw later this month.
I should do some organizing, but I'd really like a nap.
I'm noticing all these little things lately as I get ready for surgery again. It's been almost a year since the surgery on my right hip, and I have clawed my way back to the most normal things, like stepping over a cat, or carrying a plant to the sink, or walking to the subway. I couldn't do any of those for so long, and my taste of ability rather than disability has been so short. But I'm only halfway done.
It's incredible how much stronger I am with one bad hip instead of two. I've been walking a lot, for me, and savoring my freedom. I went to DC for a few days recently and walked through the airports for the first time since surgery. It was awesome not to be in a wheelchair on someone else's timetable, unable to stop anywhere but security and the gate. Such a simple pleasure.
I'm scheduled for surgery on my left hip on August 24. I've had my final MRI. I'm waiting to make my autologous blood donation. I have two unread books stashed away and another en route from Amazon Marketplace. I have so much to do.
Last year at this time, I was terrified. Now I'm mostly calm and resigned. Mostly. The anxiety is like something simmering quietly on a back burner; every now and then, it bubbles up and I have to pay attention to it. I think that's just biology at work. My brain is getting ready to fight, but there's nothing to fight yet, so it just makes me anxious.
My brain is also still thinking about ordinary-life things like pretty lipstick, even though I won't need lipstick for a while. Sometimes I forget that my pelvis has a date with a bone saw later this month.
I should do some organizing, but I'd really like a nap.
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Xoxo
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(hugs)